Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Milestone in terms of a realization

Welcome to nearly 2 weeks later!

P.S. It's Hump Day again.  I thought about posting a picture of the Miley Incident, only with her and a camel, but the one I had seen disturbs me.  Use your imagination.

In terms of my writing activity, I have been having a difficult time.  I've been keeping up on the other blogs I follow and the forums I stalk.  I stare at a page I have at work that I use as a "vision board" of sorts that has pictures of writing and pens and notebooks and books that I have written things like, "I wrote this one!" and "This one is a series!" and "This one became a movie!" and "This one became a TV series!"

I have not been writing.

I get very down and hard on myself once in awhile.  When I do, not only am I short, rude, and unloving to myself, but to everyone I am close with.  Adam didn't do anything wrong.  Mom didn't do anything wrong.  If I had the time to spend with my few other close friends, it wouldn't be their fault either.  I am punishing myself because I feel that it is wrong what I'm doing (or not doing), and therefore I have to punish everyone around me to be sure that they can't give me the love I still deserve no matter what I did or didn't do that day?

I've rolled this way for decades.  All three of them.

I had previously alluded to the fact that I long for the day where I don't need to hold a separate job as a source of income.  That I want to one day be able to write when I want and not around a schedule that I have no say in.  I envy people who are at this point in their lives and/or career.  I also envy people who may be creative writers, but they are in a job that still involves writing in some way.  I long for that day, too.  And what sucks as being born in 1982, I'm apart of that instant gratification generation.  It doesn't help that I was also spoiled growing up, being the only child.  It also doesn't help that I inherited the family trait of having zero patience.

Yes, it's okay to be disappointed that I didn't plop myself down and work on whatever project it was that I was writing.  It's okay to be annoyed that I hadn't posted to my blog in nearly two weeks.  It's okay to feel all-talk-and-no-action when I haven't followed up with any freelancing opportunities.  There will be days where I will NEED to do laundry all night because we're low on underwear.  There will be days where I just don't have the energy to get up early and instead sleep a few extra hours on the couch before work.  And there will be days where I whip out a notebook and jot something awesome down before I forget it.

NaNoWirMo is just about 2, TWO, months away.  One thing I do know is that I can't go into that without a plan (if that's one thing I got out of the Camp NaNoWirMo in July).  I want to do a bit of journaling, working with whatever schedule I have for that week, and begin to envision how I will operate not just in November, but also on a regular basis.  I have this in-my-head-only process, as I have my whole life, and it just doesn't ever come out the way I think it will.  I know that getting it down will.

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